


My Lover is Strange

by orphan_account



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Arguing, Bisexual Character, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexual Male Character, Boys Kissing, Car Sex, Depression, Drunken Kissing, Drunkenness, Fluff and Angst, Gay Character, Gay Male Character, Getting Together, I "noped" out of all the smut scenes so its clean but the wink wink nudge nudge is there, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied Smut, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Song: Strange Love (Halsey), Songfic, Underage Drinking, jadksjdhojgsws this took too long to write, the boyos are messed up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-14 08:22:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13586136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Evan and Connor's one-night stand turns into something more.Everyone tells Evan he's crazy to love Connor.Everything about Connor tells Evan that he doesn't care what they think.Songfic to Strange Love by Halsey.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> elloooooo  
> so this fic was based on an idea I had for one verse of Strange Love and then I decided that the whole song could fit DEH  
> so that's this trash's origin story  
> enjoy

It was October 31st, and Alana Beck’s 4th annual party was being thrown at her house. Evan, who was dragged along by Jared every year, was dreading spending his last Halloween as a high school student at this party. It had all the characteristics Evan hated in the world – loud, stuffy, sweaty, and reeking of weed and alcohol. He had never tried any of the latter two, always refusing the countless offers throughout the horrid, anxiety-inducing evening.

About an hour in to the event, Jared walked up to him, already well on his way to intoxication.

“Jared, if this is gonna be like last year, when you say I need to be your wingman so you can get laid with some hot guy, you should walk away right now.” he snapped, his head hot and buzzing from the party.   He had quickly learned that around Jared, sadness and panic were signs of weakness, also known as an invitation to be teased about his anxiety. So when his feelings got to be too much, he opted to act angry instead.

“Relax, tiger. And you were a great wingman.”

“I just wanted to get it over with so you would let me go home.” At this Jared pressed a finger to Evan’s lips.

“What I actually came to say was, you should totally get drunk.”

Evan laughed in exasperation. “I should what?”

“You heard me, silly. Senior year. Rhymes with beer.”

“That… that could be said about freshman year, and sophomore year, and junior year too, Jared."

He looked thoughtful for a second. “I guess so,” he said before taking another swig from his red Solo cup, “but then that’s three missed opportunities! You definitely should not be neglecting the fourth.” he paused as Evan just stared at him. “Oh come on, please? Just try a sip. Then I’ll leave you alone. Pleeeassseeee,” Jared dragged, stumbling as he took a step towards Evan.

Evan caught him before he could fall. “One sip.” he mumbled as he made sure Jared was back on his feet before walking to the refreshment table. He opened a can of beer, hands shaking as he took the taste he promised. He found that he actually liked it a lot. Plus, wasn’t alcohol supposed to relax you? He hesitated slightly before chugging the rest of the can, his shoulders un-clenching as he felt the calm wash over his body.

A couple hours and more than a couple more beers later, Evan was sitting on the concrete steps that led to Alana’s backyard. The alcohol had made him dizzy, so he felt he needed to get away from the bright lights and the dance floor overflowing with yelling teenagers. Evan had been outside for about twenty minutes when a tall stranger stumbled outside and sat down next to him. The boy said nothing, and Evan was squinting to make out his face in the dark. Long hair, sharp jawline, dark clothes, and—

Oh shit.

It was Connor Murphy, his longtime crush. This wasn’t good. Evan can’t talk to him, especially not now when literally all of his inhibitions are gone.

“Hey.” Evan blurted. Smooth.

Connor jumped slightly in surprise. “…hey?” he said, mirroring the thought process Evan had completed just moments earlier. He was not only drunk, but high as well. Oh, joy.

“Would you want to— oh, I mean— haha!” they said in unison, failing to talk in a cohesive manner and eventually laughing at themselves and each other.

“Wait, uh, jinx! You owe me a… something.” Evan said.

“Dude, you mean a soda?”

“Well, I actually don’t like soda all that much, something about the carbonation just burns my throat and I—“

“Woah, okay, chill,” Connor interjected, stopping Evan’s flustered rambling, “maybe a beer instead?’

Evan nodded almost violently, embarrassed at his last statements. “Yes, yes. That sounds good.”

Connor chuckled softly as he stood up and extended a hand. “Shall we?” he grinned as Evan stood up and they both went inside.


	2. Strange Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: implied/referenced suicidal thoughts
> 
> oh I think I forgot to mention that none of this has been edited (at least, not well) and no one has read this yet sooooo comment if there's anything to fix

_Everybody wants to know_

_If we fucked on the bathroom sink_

_How your hands felt in my hair_

_If were high on amphetamines_

Connor grabbed Evan’s hips and pulled him forward, crushing their lips together in a sloppy, drunk kiss. As it happened, Evan wondered how he had gotten here, in this cramped, tile-lined room. He knew he was at Alana’s Halloween party, and that Jared told him to get drunk, or was it his own mind telling him to drink? He wasn’t sure anymore, and he almost giggled at the realization that he didn’t know because he was drunk. How ironic.

Then he knew that a very, very hot guy offered him a drink, even though the drinks at the party were free. And then… then they had gotten lost and somehow ended up… somewhere. Here, Evan guessed. They ended up here.

His chain of thought was broken as Connor kissed down his neck, leaving marks on his collarbone as he softly gasped from pleasure. Evan, wanting to take control of the situation, grabbed Connor’s hoodie and pushed him up against the wall of the small bathroom in the Becks’ home.

Connor smirked at Evan as he slid out of his jacket, muttering seductive comments that turned Evan on even more than he already was, if that was even possible. Evan grabbed at Connor’s shirt hem and tore it off before Connor reached to do the same to the boy in front of him. They stared at each other’s half-naked forms; Connor’s torso was pale, with fading scars covering his arms up to his shoulders, while Evan was tanner but scarily underweight. The latter reached out to touch Connor’s chest, his hand moving slowly and lightly downwards until he finally gasped at the touch of Evan’s hand on his stomach. At this, it was Evan’s turn to smirk. He stepped forward hesitantly, putting his face centimeters away from Connor’s as he let his thumbs gently massage Connor’s midsection.   At this the taller boy moaned and curled into himself before retaliating by biting Evan’s lower lip, earning some noises that encouraged him to continue sucking and nipping down Evan’s jawline and neck.

“It’s a little hot in here, huh?” Connor muttered, mouth next to Evan’s ear.

Evan, who was finding it increasingly difficult to talk, simply nodded, the humidity they had created in the room becoming more than just an afterthought.

“You know, I could help with that…” Connor proposed, reaching down to Evan’s waistline before stopping for permission. Evan looked into his eyes and nodded quickly before Connor pulled them down, leaving Evan in his boxers. One thing led to another and—

Well, you get the idea.

 

_Everybody wants to hear_

_How we chainsmoked until three_

_And how you laughed when you said my name_

_And how you gripped my hips so mean_

“You have to tell me if you’re lying, because if you’re not then this will seriously complicate our relationship.”

Evan blinked. “I’m telling the truth, Connor.”

Connor threw his hands in the air, making Evan flinch slightly. “You can’t tell me you’ve never read _The Perks of Being a Wallflower_!”

Evan laughed. “ I-I think I can tell you that. Because it’s true. And I’m telling you right now.”

Connor laughed softly. “Touché, but next time we have movie night that is what we watch. Next time we have a reading date, that’s what you’re reading.”

Evan chuckled and blushed, remembering the serene nights that found them laying on top of one another, reading whatever they wanted until one or both fell asleep. Though they were often silent nights, with rare conversation about the books in their hands or the love they share, they both loved their reading dates more than almost everything else. For Evan, it was nice to just relax and not have the constant pressure of having to fill silence crushing him all the time. For Connor, on those nights he let himself sync with the world, serenity and warmth grounding him once again.

“Deal.” he promised his boyfriend.

Currently, they were not having a reading date. They were sitting in Connor’s car, somewhere in the middle of nowhere at who knows what time. Rain was beating on the windshield, but the ears of these two lovers were filled not with that noise, but with the harmonious sounds of each other’s words, laughs, and breaths.

“So um, next topic.”

Evan nodded. “Shoot.”

“Do you have a bucket list?”

Evan froze for a second. Every since last summer in the park, he tried his best to not think about dying. It took him a couple deep breaths to ground himself again. He was safe. Though he didn’t have to get over what he had tried to do, he wanted to try to be okay for right now.

“Evan? Are you okay? Look, if that’s too serious I totally understand, we don’t have to talk about it.” Connor said carefully, knowing far too well what it was like to not want to discuss dying.

“No, no, it’s fine. I guess my list sort of evolves as life goes on? Like there are plenty of things on my bucket list now that definitely weren’t there before we met and…” Evan paused, realizing how much of a blunt hint that was; though it was true that a _lot_ of Evan’s new bucket list items had to do with Connor.

Connor seemed to get the unintentional hint, smirking as he placed a hand on Evan’s thigh. “Like what?” he purred.

“N-nothing, Connor, it’s, it’s really stupid.”

“I highly doubt that.” he said, inching closer to Evan’s ear.

“Connor, you’d think I’m a nerd.”

Connor gasped, feigning offense. “I would never. How dare you assume I’m capable of such a cruelty?” he said in a low, teasing voice, which finally made Evan crack.

“Iwanttohavesexinthebackofacar!” he blurted.

Connor stifled a laugh. “You want to _what?_ ”

Evan turned fire truck red, but continued. “You know, like in the movies? When characters make out in the back seat of a car and it’s supposed to be super steamy and stuff? And I guess it just seemed like an experience worth trying, you know? I don’t have like a car kink or anything and sorry and—I told you it was stupid. ” Evan rambled, speeding up throughout his confession.

Connor looked thoughtful for a minute before climbing into the back seat, almost hitting the car horn with his knee in the process.

“W-what are you doing?” Evan stammered as Connor pulled his shirt off.

“Well, now that you mention it, I’ve always wondered about it too.” Connor said, though Evan doubted that was true and assumed he was just trying to appease him instead. Connor broke through Evan’s train of doubts by extending a hand.

“Shall we?” he said as they both giggled, completely forgetting their woes and _very thoroughly_ checking one more thing off both of their bucket lists.

 

_They think I’m insane_

_They think my lover is strange_

_But I don’t have to fucking tell them anything, anything_

It had been a month since they hooked up at the party, just under a month since they had started dating, and two weeks since the date in Connor’s car. School had just restarted after thanksgiving break, and the two missed each other more than anything. They had tried to see each other over the break because, after all, they lived only three blocks away from each other. Unfortunately, Evan’s father made the last-minute decision to fly him out to Colorado for the holiday, while Connor was swept up in a week of heteronormative, agonizingly poised family gatherings.

Evan and Connor missed each other, and they were just aching for a touch, a gesture, a something from the other to bring them back to the mundane routine of school and lazy weekend makeouts that fit them so well.

So it was really no surprise when Connor marched right into school on the first day back, strolled straight up to Evan’s locker, and interrupted his conversation with Jared with a hug from behind and a sweet kiss to the cheek.

“And so that’s why—oh my God!” Evan yelled as the currently unrecognizable figure crushed him in the aforementioned embrace. The wheels slowly turned in his head, activating windshield wipers to combat his early morning daze and help him recognize his boyfriend.

“Oh, Connor!” he exclaimed, turning to him and placing a chaste kiss on his lips, now completely ignoring Jared. Connor pulled away as the warning bell rang.

“Oh shit, I’m gonna be late. Hey… look at that! I care about being late! Anyways, I missed you babe. Love you.” he said hurriedly before walking to his classroom.

“Love you too!” Evan called as he left before turning back to Jared, an incredulous and incredibly confused look on his face.

“What?”

“What do you mean ‘what?’ School shooter Connor Murphy just _kissed_ you, Evan!”

“…and?” Evan asked, confusion growing before he realized that though he had come out to Jared years ago, it never occurred to him that he hadn’t told Jared about their relationship.

Oops.

“Oh, right, um where do I start?” Evan pondered. “We met at the Halloween party, and with all that liquid courage you suggested, we…talked. And one thing led to another and we decided that we wouldn’t be too bad for each other. We found that out by talking, by the way. Just talking.” Evan lied, not wanting Jared involved in the intimacy portion of his life.

“Evan. I need you to snap out of it, buddy. He’s going to kill you! Everyone knows he’s batshit crazy! Remember when he threw a printer at our teacher in 2nd grade? Not to mention, he’s the biggest fucking stoner I’ve ever seen.”

Evan could feel his expression about to snap, the usual calm and mild obliviousness being withered into raw anger by each of Jared’s questions.

“I don’t think you should talk about him like that.” Evan stated succinctly and seriously.

“Talk about him like _what?_ With the truth? Jesus, Evan, he has you brainwashed or something.”

“Jared, _stop_.” he warned again.

“Look, I’m just trying to look out for you.” That’s when Evan lost it.

“ _Look out for me?_ You only hang out with me for your car insurance! And maybe, _just_ maybe, if you paid _any_ attention to anything but stereotypes you could see that Connor isn’t a bad person, and that I am _not_ about to tolerate you speaking about my boyfriend like he is!” he yelled, for once not caring how loudly he spoke. Usually, Evan shied away from confrontation, but he wasn’t afraid of Jared. And he wasn’t afraid to stand up for his boyfriend either.

Jared just stared at Evan for a minute, his face void of emotion.

“You’re insane.” he spat before walking away, his words hitting but not biting the still remorseless Evan.

 

_And everybody wants to know_

_How it felt to hear you scream_

_They know you walk like you’re a god_

_They can’t believe I made you weak_

Evan stayed over at Connor’s house and vice versa all the time. It was easier to get around parents at Evan’s since his mom was always working, but at Connor’s, Evan was subject to the torture of awkward Murphy family dinners whenever he came over. It was only when everyone went to bed that the two boys got to _truly_ spend time together.

Connor was straddling Evan (for the third time that night) when Connor’s bedroom door opened.

“Connor, what the _\- wait what the fuck!_ ” she said, yelling the last part.

Evan froze as Connor quickly flipped over to his side. “Zoe! Could you keep your goddamn voice down?!”

“Um, not until you tell my why the fuck you’re having sex with Evan?” she said, lowering her voice despite her statement.

“Well maybe you should tell me why you’re in my room?” Connor whisper-yelled as Evan lay motionless.

“We share a wall, dumbass. It’s three in the morning and you aren’t exactly quiet.” she paused to scoff, “after the five hundredth time your bedframe hit the wall, I came to see what the fuck was going on.” she said, annoyed but smirking now. “I certainly wasn’t disappointed though.”

Connor rolled his eyes at his sister’s smug grin. “Yeah, okay, so I like Evan. So what?”

“Awww, my big brother has a hot gay crush. How cute.” she said, losing the grin. “But I thought you didn’t like—“

“It doesn’t matter what I didn’t like, Zoe.” Connor snapped.

“Yeesh. Sorry.” she said, holding her hands up in defense.

“Don’t tell Larry?” Connor said pleadingly, ignoring his sister’s last statement.

“You know I won’t. And I don’t care how much kinky gay sex you have, but keep it down, yeah?”

“We aren’t even having sex, but fine. Sorry.” Connor said, slightly annoyed but grateful that him and Evan’s relationship would stay a secret. Zoe left, closing the door behind her as Connor breathed a sigh of relief.

“W-what? That’s it?” Evan said, finally regaining his voice.

“What do you mean?”

“You sister walks in on you on top of me as we’re both half-naked. And all she tells us is to ‘keep it down’?”

Connor chuckled softly. “She doesn’t care about us being together.”

“Are you blind? It certainly seemed like—“

“Evan, Zoe is bi.”

Evan paused, realization crossing his face. “Oh…”

“’Oh…’ is right. Now, can we continue?”

Evan nervously laughed, still in shock from the past couple minutes. “At this point, I’d rather sleep. We did tell Zoe we’d keep it down…”

Connor huffed, exasperated not at Evan but at his sister. “Zoe always ruins everything.” he said jokingly. Evan shook his head, smiling as he kissed Connor’s cheek.

“Oh, but what didn’t you like? Or is it more of a ‘don’t’ instead of a ‘didn’t?’ Like in the present, I mean, not just the past. Because whatever it is I can stop and—“

“Hey, Evan, calm down, it’s okay,” he said, pausing for a moment before looking his boyfriend in the eyes.

“Look, before you came along, I was kind of a freak about personal space? That sounds so pathetic, but it’s true. I made myself untouchable, because I knew I could and would hurt or break anything near me if I got angry. No one touched me, or there would be consequences.” he said, a sad look glazing his face. “Zoe, uh, she didn’t know about us and—this. So she was still living under that assumption, I guess.”

Evan hugged Connor briefly. “Hey, you. It’s not pathetic, it’s completely understandable,” he said, thinking back to his most recent interaction with Jared. “Sometimes it’s easier to be cold than to let everyone know what you really feel.”

Connor smiled weakly, tears in his eyes. “It is, isn’t it?” he said, laying down and pulling Evan closer.

“Goodnight, love.”

“Goodnight, baby.”

 

_These days I can’t seem to get along with anyone_

_Get by with anyone_

Connor and Evan had been together for almost six months when suddenly Connor stopped showing up to school. At first, Evan assumed he was just sick, but after a week he went to the Murphy household to check on him.

He stood at the door on a brisk, chilly Saturday morning. After knocking twice, Cynthia opened the door to greet him.

“Evan! What a lovely surprise!” she said, a pleasant smile on her face.

“Hi, Mrs. Murphy. Is Connor home?”

Cynthia dropped her façade, now looking concerned. “Um, this isn’t really the best time.”

“Please, can I just see him?”

Cynthia wavered before finally letting him in. “Just be careful.” she said, tears in her eyes as she gestured to the staircase. Evan thanked her and then hesitantly climbed to the second floor, turning the familiar corner to Connor’s room. The door to his room was shut, and he was sitting at the foot of his bed shaking. He didn’t hear Evan open the door and let himself in; he only looked up when Evan sat next to him.

Evan looked into his eyes, and what he saw broke his heart. Connor looked like he hadn’t slept or eaten since the last time they saw each other. His eyes were swollen from crying, and the way he looked at Evan seemed to be begging him to not write him off as a monster.

A glass wall of emotions shattered between them as Evan pulled Connor close and they both began to cry. They stayed there for what felt like an eternity and three whole seconds all at the same time, with Evan playing with Connor’s hair and telling his boyfriend that everything would be okay.

After quite some time, they both stopped sobbing. Connor had stopped shaking too, and now seemed much more calm.

“Baby…” Evan began, not knowing how to begin to talk about what he had walked in on.

Connor sat up to look at him. “I can’t talk about this right now. Please don’t make me talk about this right now.”

Evan squeezed Connor’s hand. “I won’t, love, I won’t.” Connor’s expression silently thanked him as he lay down on Evan’s lap. They stayed silent and motionless for a while until they both fell asleep. Cynthia walked in about an hour and cried tears of joy at the sight before her, and she praised anything in the heavens that Connor had a _best friend_ like Evan.

 

_These days I can’t seem to make this right_

_Well, is this fine? Will you be alright?_

Evan had noticed Connor becoming increasingly worse. Sure, he always had his bad days, but now they were so much worse and more frequent that Evan didn’t know what to think. Was this just a relapse of something he wasn’t around to see in its last cycle? Or was it something to be worried about?

Connor had returned to school, but he still wasn’t the same as he used to be. He would try to inconspicuously avoid Evan in the hallways, he wouldn’t eat at lunch, and overall he looked like all of the warmth inside of him had vanished.

Evan became increasingly desperate to find information on Connor’s well-being since his boyfriend wouldn’t just tell Evan himself. Zoe said she had no idea what was going on, claiming she didn’t pay that much attention because it seemed to be the same as all of her brother’s other fits of depression. Alana, whom Evan barely knew but who was frequently partnered with Connor for English projects, said that since they were mere acquaintances she wasn’t informed enough to tell the difference between Connor’s good and bad days.

After two more weeks of tedious interaction with his boyfriend and no new information from his peers, he finally decided to call Connor. That way, Evan thought, any inhibitions about talking about his feelings in public or during a stressful day of school would be gone. It would be quiet, private, and completely one-on-one; Connor’s ideal situation.

“Hello?” Connor answered weakly after two rings. He voice was thick and trembling, sounding as if he had just finished crying.

“Connor? Look, I don’t know what’s been happening at school but I just wanted to check in and see—“

“You should hang up, Evan.” Connor interrupted, his tone firmer this time.

Evan was silent for a minute. “I-I should what? Connor, no, I can’t do that. I’m so worried about you, and I need you to tell me what’s going on, please.”

“You should just leave while you have the chance. I mean, look at me! I’ve been pushing you away for weeks with no explanation. And I can’t even help it! I just keep hurting you more and more every day. So I need you to just go ahead and leave me.” Connor’s voice hitched at the last words.

Evan was holding back tears as well, his handshaking as he tried to keep the phone to his ear through his impending panic attack. “C-Connor, no, I _love_ you, I’m—I care about you.“

“No one fucking cares! I’m a burden to everyone! I just go through life ignoring the fact that I need help because when I try to get it I make everyone’s lives worse!” he yelled. Connor heard Evan’s muffled sobs through the phone. “Don’t let me hurt you, baby.It's easier to be untouchable, remember?  Please, please, let me go.” he said, softer this time as he finally wept at the memory of their candid late night talks.

“Con, honey, breathe, please breathe s-slowly, you’re, you’re not thinking s-straight, please calm down.” Evan said through his tears.

Connor cursed himself for making Evan cry again. For hurting him again. For stringing him along through whatever semblance of a recovery he was trying to make again.

_Again, again, again, again, again._

“Just get away from me.” Connor said finally, his tone filled with anger at himself. He could hear Evan begin to beg him to calm down once again before he hung up the phone on his boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part of the reason I wrote this was to practice writing smut but I just noped out of every opportunity whoops


	3. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is actually a cut scene from back when this fic was strictly angst  
> but then it turned into fluff  
> then angst again  
> then fluff and smut  
> then all three
> 
> ANYWAYS  
> this wasn't supposed to be how the story ends but it is now *evil laugh*
> 
> tw: suicide.

_Everybody’s waitin’ up_

_To hear if I dare speak your name_

_I’ll put it deep beneath the track_

_Like the hole you left in me_

It had been 3 weeks since Connor’s funeral, and Evan still felt empty as ever. During his weeks of absence from school, he spent the days staring at the ceiling, not bothering to get food or fresh clothes.

Everywhere he turned, it was as if he saw a giant cement wall with the graffiti “Connor was here” covering it.

He couldn’t bear to sleep in his bed; it’s once inviting, relaxing company was now far too wide and too cold without his boyfriend by his side.

In the kitchen, Evan was reminded of the countless mornings making pancakes together while they danced and dramatically sang along to their favorite showtunes. He could close his eyes and see Connor yelling, “take me baby or leeaaave meeee” as he scraped the burnt remains of their pancakes, which were often forgotten amidst their antics, out of the pan.  

On every paper he saw Connor’s note, tear-stained words in blue pen echoing an unfamiliar version of what Connor had last said to him in person.

“You’ll find someone better.” _“You should just leave while you have the chance.”_

“You don’t need me to burden you like this.” “ _No one fucking cares, I’m just a burden to everyone!”_

“This is for the best.” “ _Don’t let me hurt you.”_

“Goodbye, Evan.” “ _Goddammit, just get away from me!”_

When he finally returned to school, never-noticed-before Evan was suddenly getting stares in the hallways, and people who he had never even seen before were talking to him as if they were best friends.

“Evan!” a girl’s voice called, making him stop and look back as she jogged to catch up with him. She was tall, with grey-blue eyes brought out by her raven black hair. “Is it true, what they say about you and Connor on Halloween? I’m really sorry he’s gone.” The world blurred around Evan as his breathing hitched.

 _I’m really sorry he’s gone,_ Evan thought, the girl’s voice echoing in his head.

 _No, you’re not. You didn’t care about him like I did. You didn’t_ love _him,_ thought Evan. At this thought, his composure collapsed. He really did love Connor, but he never got to tell him.

 _I love you, I love you, I love you. Please come back to me, Con, I love you,_ he pleaded in his mind.

“I’m, um I’m, I have to go to class sorry” Evan forced, trying to keep his panic at bay long enough to get away from this dreaded hallway. The girl, however, was persistent.

“Come on, we have a few minutes. How long did you know him? Did you start dating after the Halloween party? Did you guys love each other?”

Evan turned away, trying not to cry. It was then that Alana saw the situation. She rushed over and stood between Evan and the girl who confronted him.

“Alright, Bianca, I think that’s enough.”

“But I just-“

“I said, that’s _enough._ ”

At this, the girl – Bianca – rolled her eyes and walked away. Alana turned and wrapped her arms around Evan. Evan tried to acknowledge her, but all that came out of his mouth were broken sobs. Alana just nodded, knowing what he meant. She instructed him to take deep breaths while walking him to the nurse, the haunting statement still on replay in Evan’s mind.

_I’m really sorry he’s gone._

No one was sorry. If they were, he might still be here.

But he wasn’t.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! comments and kudos are appreciated greatly. also, be sure to check out my other AO3 works! 
> 
> send me writing requests on my tumblr: cerebral-sunshine


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